"I am my own worst enemy" has to be just about the realest thing I can say about myself and Love. I have trouble seeing why people can Love me. I cant shake that it could be genuine. I cant shake that every woman isn't the same. Too often Afraid to put my heart on the line, Too often afraid to totally lose myself in someone and trust them with my heart. Maybe this is where everyone feels that the asshole part of me comes into play."
I think I just lost the person who loved me more than anyone else ever has, but the sad shit is I overlooked all this shit & didnt realize how much I loved her until she was fed up. I really dont know how long I expected her to stay around without giving her my complete devoted attention. Anything I needed or anytime i Needed her there she was there. All she wanted was the same in return. A friend told me today that I go into self destruct mode anytime someone really cares about me. I couldnt agree more. Another friend told me that the Animals who fight evolution become extinct. The way I handle love i probably should have been there by now.
So What is it that we have to fuck up b4 we realize what's most important to us and what we have to do to keep it? I dont consider myself the typical nigga just because I am truthful about where we stand and wont sell a dream that I cant honor when someone presents me a receipt. But at the same time I do typical nigga shit when it comes to handling hearts and how to seperate myself from the girls who likes me & the woman who loves me. Attention is all that everyone wants, but what does it truly mean if it isnt from the one it needs to be. What is attention if you cant give it to the one who deserves it from you. What is attention if by time you pay attention that you no longer have hers.
I took her love for granted and If I have lost her its no ones fault but my own. Selfish and too Defensive I have to do better. I always say im not built for this love shit but i know i keep putting explosives on the foundation.
So if you have a good girl or someone worth making them yours, dont give her mediocrity in any form. Its not enough to care about someone if they dont feel like you do. Her very aura should read that she has someone who wont let her go. When women are happy they have a glow that nothing but God can take from them. You dont want to end up drowning in the Ocean of your own fears and insecurities. You dont want her to have to find your love like this when you should make it known. You shouldnt have to lose someone in order to gain understanding. But understanding comes from Losing. Its a fucked up concept. Your heart should always be a searchlight. Your mind should always be the National Guard Crew ready to dive into the roughest of Seas to save the Love Life you dont want to lose.
So in short I Love You, but if I have lost you I can respect that.
